I thought I was doing my friend Carrie a simple favour but my one small act of kindness has set a number of very unpleasant events in motion.

It all started two weeks ago when Carrie, who is a local independent filmmaker, asked me if I would appear in a commissioned film she was producing about prostitution. My job was to be very easy, simply pretend I was a "John or customer" to one of the girls and then walk off with her. Total lines none, total screen time under 10 seconds. Total pay $20.00 plus drinks.

This independent film was one of about ten or so she makes each year to either use as a commissioned work or as a trailer for further private or public funding in order to subsidize her other many future productions.

I personally didn't really care what the purpose was as I thought this would be great fun to be captured on film trying to pick up a hooker and get paid with cash and booze for only 10 seconds work. Hell, if I was good maybe I could do this full time. Sweet!

I showed up at the appointed location in a run down part of East Calgary around 4:00 PM. The cameras were hidden in order not to disrupt pedestrian or vehicular traffic flow during the live action (and also I learned later on, to avoid getting a city permit). Carrie assured me that this was a very common practise in the industry and to start my scene.

She made us do the scene three times to ensure it was captured correctly from both camera angles as traffic was going by throughout the scene.

The girl that played the hooker was a very cute looking young lady named Mandy, who was a drama student at the local college. She was really tarted up great to look like a prostitute and I thought she was truly the best actress in the world for my 10 seconds of film time. Picking her up was not like acting at all for me and I would have done a "dozen takes" if they had asked.

Sadly after the shoot we all went our separate ways as Mandy was a participant in the next scene, Carrie was producing it and everyone else that I barely knew there was doing something which really didn't involve me, so I decided to leave for home.

I was only home a couple of minutes when the doorbell rang, it was Mom and my sister who had just been out shopping.

I was somewhat surprised by this unexpected visit as it was extremely unusual for either of them to simply just "drop in" on me without calling, separate or together. My initial thought was that Dad had fallen ill and they were delivering the grave news.

"Is Dad OK", I asked feebly hoping everything was well.

My usual cheerful Mom replied dryly "Your Father is quite fine since he doesn't know about all this nasty business....yet"

This sounded both very serious and ominous. What "Business" was Mom referring to? She looked dead serious although Sis seemed to have a large smirk on her face. I was confused and as I was about to ask for clarification, Mom continued.

"Are you in the practice of keeping the company of common street prostitutes"? "Is this how I have raised you"?

I was stunned at her crazed question. Had the old girl finally gone senile?

Before I could respond, Sis interjected by stating "Don't try & deny it, we both saw you earlier today picking up one downtown, you are disgusting"

Sis looked quite pleased with herself, much like she did when we were kids growing up. Evidently she took great joy in me being in any kind of trouble with our parents even after all these years. Dumb immature Byatch.

As these wild accusations were being bandied about it occurred to me that they must have driven by when I was doing my little acting scene earlier today with Mandy. I had to quickly explain it all as Mom looked really pissed off and Sis looked way too pleased with things. I hastily clarified the situation down to the last minute detail specifically mentioning the hidden cameras.

Sis looked at me somewhat dejectedly but refused to give up, she was enjoying my pain way too much.

"Quite convenient a story, eh Mom" she asked in a very sneering tone. "I knew he would try and lie his way out of this" she continued as she was fuelling the already hot fire.

"Its wickedness all right", Mom stated. I never dreamed my little boy would be hanging around prostitutes at this time in his life, he should have a nice wife and kids by now".

"Like me, Doug and Mikey, right Mom", my sister interjected listing her slow-witted lazy husband and son accordingly. I was still just sitting there dumbfounded at all this.

My sister went on stating "Look at ALL of his recent girlfriends, Mom. They were all big whores, I bet they're all hookers too", she was grinning as she said this which made me finally scream "Shut up" at her.

Mom interrupted and told me not to speak to my sister in such a manner. She was only trying to help.

With that short statement Mom got up and announced that they were both leaving. She then ordered me to be over to the house Saturday for a "proper private talk" with her.

My attendance was mandatory and if I failed to show, Dad would be advised of my uncontrolled "prostitute addiction" and all Hell would break loose.

I was furious with my sister after they both left for both attempting to get me in trouble with Mom but also further enraging the old lady even more. What a cow she had turned into. Just because Sis is so bored with her life does not give her the right to interfere with mine. I would not even bother talking with her, I figured I could sort this all out with Mom and then get my revenge with Sis later.

I was really pissed.

I arrived at my folks house at the preappointed date and time. Dad was out somewhere doing whatever he does, so Mom ushered me into the living room.

We sat down and she then asked me to explain MY side of the story once again as she is aware that my sister may sometimes try to make matters worse than perhaps they actually are.

Relieved, I recounted the entire story about Carrie, the movie and Mandy the prostitute once again. "It was all just acting", I advised.

Mom looked quite sceptical at my entire monologue. She then looked at me directly and asked "So if the story is true, when is this movie of yours going to be on the TV so we can all watch it?"

I explained it was a privately funded film and probably would never be on TV. "It's the nature of the independent film industry", I stated almost sounding like I didn't even believe what I was telling her was actually true.

Mom continued to stare at me but said nothing until finally she stated, "You know Son, if this is what you tell me, I believe you. However, it doesn't change the fact that you are still a little irresponsible at times and do get yourself in trouble. I blame myself for all of this and not you". "Had I been more strict with you when you were a boy growing up, perhaps you would be a little more level-headed overall. So, starting today I will try and be a better Mother to you"

I realized that nothing good could come from a statement such as that.

I attempted to protest but Mom would hear nothing further from me. She than advised that she knew of a few good girls she would introduce to me over the next few weeks since she believed that I needed to both meet a nice single girl as well as get "those wild trollops out of my system" right away.

"Don't make me involve your father in all this" she warned, "He is not as even tempered as I am and you know his heart is not as well as it once was"

This was all VERY true, I did not want old Dad to hear about this since I could not even convince poor Mom about my story. I reluctantly sat back on the couch and listened to Mom continue her sermon. I was clearly her prisoner.

Mom then handed me a picture of some 400 lb cow, announcing that "This is Erin Smith, my friend Rebecca's daughter. She is single and just a wee bit chubby in this picture, but truly has a heart of gold"

Apparently my "lust for the whores" had now also been transmitted to all of Mom's friends who eagerly submitted pictures of their undesirable daughters in desperate hopes of unloading them to the first poor bastard who was stupid enough to come by.

My life was getting progressively worse as every second slowly ticked by.

Mom continued, "Now here is a picture of Samantha Dryden, she only has one eye but look at the beautiful shade of blue it is in this photograph......

As Mom displayed a few more photographs to me, I was sure that the circus must be in town with the collection of freaks and outcasts she was displaying as each one was worse than the previous.

I sat there silently cursing myself, the independent film industry, my life, my family and everything else in general since I knew there must be a lesson in all this somewhere but was just not sure what it was.

This was not good.