I've always liked to think of myself as being a pretty positive, outgoing and sociable person in general, however my coworkers are slowly turning me into the biggest introverted bastard on the planet.

Things at work started out innocently enough (as most normal things do), we were in a smaller sized department with only about 10 staff in total and would occasionally hang out together during lunch hours being as we were situated in a rather remote location within the building.

This all changed when our small group began to grow rapidly and due to this expansion, we were all moved into the main IT area which housed an additional 150 staff or so.

My occasional lunches with one or two others became regular daily lunches with about 4 or 5 people. I had no real issue with that as I enjoy going out for lunch to just get away from the office and clear my mind and relax for a quick hour.

Then circumstances slowly changed. The 4 or 5 became 7 and 8 and then 10 plus people. The very individuals I wanted to clear my mind from were now sitting with me over lunch continually spewing out their inane gibberish as I was trying to get a bit of peace and quiet. 

I now had to listen to their imbecilic garbage during paid working hours and in departmental meetings, but I would be damned if I was going to tolerate it on my own time.

As these people began to infringe upon my coveted lunch hours, I began taking my lunch earlier and earlier just to avoid these unwelcomed intrusions. It was now early enough to be a brunch instead of a lunch but this had solved my problem, however yet another situation reeled its ugly head.

At meetings I had practised the ability to look mildly interested and at sometimes even moderately concerned with my coworkers babble as they went on and on each day, every day. While they were rambling I could hold that fake expression even though I was thinking about almost anything else such as women, drinking, holidaying or even all my co-workers untimely and violent demise in a number of horrific scenarios. This was all very enjoyable for me.

This probably wasn't the best practise however, as occasionally I was asked my opinion on something that one of the mindless drones had uttered during my daydreams, nevertheless I always managed to fake it pretty good with meaningless action phrases such as "Well, I have a great deal to add to this matter however being that this is just a short daily meeting we should take this conversation offline and discuss it later with just those involved"

This statement always bought me some time as later on a meeting notice would be emailed around outlining the detailed purpose of the "offline meeting" which then allowed me to either prepare for it or hopefully, ignore it and fire the invasion into my recycle bin.

So my once positive attitude had now been refocused to be less on work and more on enjoying my lunch and avoiding any meetings.

I had now successfully dodged two minefields. But, as is quite typical with me lately, my luck ran out pretty damn quick.

It would seem that under the false guise of "team building" my company would encourage and contribute to social outings which would be idiotic venues such as Auction Nights, Golfing Afternoons, Paintball evenings and any other stupid theme they could come up with which would force each staff member to interact in some way with one another.

These events, although paid for by the company, were once again to be conducted on our own personal time and anyone not in attendance was immediately branded as not being a team player.

All being sheep, the majority of my coworkers participate in these social gatherings although I was certainly not one of them. I didn't even want to work with most of these individuals so there was no way in Hell I would be hanging with them on my free evenings even if the nauseating event was paid for, the price was still too high.

And of course for staff member special events such as a birthday, a going away, a returning to work from going away, a baby being born, a sickness, a recovery from a sickness or any other bloody useless obtuse reason, a card is passed around the office with some mysterious envelope with the expectation that we are to donate to the cause. And if that is not enough, well we can all meet for drinks and a snack after work at the nearest overpriced stuffy lounge.

So as you can probably tell, I am just a little frustrated with all these goings on. I mean, all I wanted to do was take a job which interested me and that I am fairly good at and put in my forty hours a week in order to collect a pay cheque.

I did not take employment here to further my social calendar or have my coworkers be a part of my life for 8 hours of work and then another additional 8 hours as "buddies". I already have a good circle of friends which I am quite happy with. We all have common interests and spend time with each other by choice and not because of some fake forced event put on by a manager hoping to score points with his manager.

I am not actually accepting applications for any new friends at this time, especially if the only thing I have in common with them is that we work on the same floor. Hell, I don't even know most of these peoples names and nor do I care to.

I don't know if other large offices are like mine, but it is getting out of hand and really making me look like an
anti-social ass.

The only positive that has come out of this whole thing is that I came across a small pub about 3 blocks from my office which will serve me a Guinness and a breakfast burrito every morning.

Now those are two companions that I don't mind spending my free time with.