Yet another miserable week for me, I am really hoping that this isn't becoming a pattern.

Somehow fate must be conspiring against me these days in regards to my dating life as things have been going steadily downhill. A blatant example of this would be what happened to me last Saturday morning when a string of trivial and unrelated events occurred which when combined together, destroyed my chances with a girl I have been attempting to go out with for the past number of weeks.

The girl in question is named Jackie, the cousin of my friends Kevin's wife who I had wrote about earlier in The Night Before

I have been pursuing her over the past few weeks but unfortunately for me whenever our paths seem to cross, I am either too drunk to remember or failed to have put on a good impression, as you may have concluded by that story.

This past Saturday was meant to be different, as I had every detail planned out. I invited Kevin, his wife Samantha and Jackie to meet me at the golf course driving range followed by a nice lunch with sparkling conversation and then down to the pub for a couple of drinks. By doing so, Jackie would see that I am not an "out of control booze-hound", as she once referred to me as being, but instead see that I am an excellent golfer, good company and overall a really nice guy.

I figured after a nice calm and enjoyable afternoon as this, there would be no problem in getting the beautiful Jackie to go out on a date with me. My plans were flawless.

Sadly however, almost immediately things began going wrong.

I figured I would arrive at the golf course about an hour early to get in some practise drives just so when Jackie arrived I would already be all warmed up and be at the top of my game. She would then know I have interests outside of simply just boozing.

As I opened the hatch of my car to grab my golf bag, the tool box in the back seat suddenly jumped out and came crashing down on my baby toe, crushing it mercilessly. The pain was extreme and after screaming out a few dozen strings of obscenities in the parking lot, the majority of the pain subsided and I limped over to the clubhouse and sat down to try and regain my composure.

I reckoned the best way to forget the pain was to have a quick drink and then head out to the driving range. As the clubhouse only sells either beer or wine (I really preferred something much stronger as my toe was throbbing) I reluctantly opted for a pint and just as I was returning to my seat to medicate myself, I walked right into the guy behind me and spilled the beer all over my very clean, well-pressed shirt. I was soaked.

After another consecution of loud obscenities, I purchased a second beer and drank the whole thing in one shot right at the bar. There was no way I was going to chance another accident.

I then headed outside to the driving range limping and soaked with beer, and started to hit a few balls.

My drives were far from what they should be which I attributed to this new injury, and I was getting rather enraged at myself when I all of a sudden noticed something totally unbelievable.

There was a older bald fat guy two stalls over from me driving golf balls however each time he smacked a ball over 200 yards, he would yell "Fore" at the top of his lungs.

For those of you not familiar with the sport, a person yells "Fore" if they drive a ball and it is in danger of hitting someone ahead of you. It is like a quick way to say "Heads Up" however I have never seen nor heard of anyone doing it on a driving range since there are no people in the vicinity.

After watching this mental patient repeat this ritual a number of times, I went back to my own driving but was quickly getting annoyed at the distraction this guy was causing me. I needed to concentrate and this lunatic was making things nearly impossible.

"Who the Hell are you yelling Fore at"?, I finally asked the Jackass in a very ill-tempered tone.

"I am practising", Jackass responded, "That's the whole point of coming out to the driving range isn't it"?

"The whole point of coming to the range is to practise your drives not to practise yelling like an idiot. Just shut the Hell up so I can concentrate", I shot back at him menacingly.

This seemed to get his attention and Jackass was now quiet so I could resume my practise in peace. I honestly had never seen such a buffoon in my life but I was glad there was no physical confrontation as he was much bigger than me and my toe was still troubling me.

I continued to practise however my drives were only going about 20 yards as I could not keep my footing straight. My usual drives are generally around 250 yards, so I realized immediately I was totally off my game and this really frustrated me to no end. The situation continued to worsen as each time my drives went 20 yards and I began swearing, Jackass would look up, smile and mutter "Good one buddy" under his breath, but certainly just loud enough for me to hear. Being the more mature man, I ignored the guy and continued to focus when suddenly he started up again with his "Fore" !@!@&^*@

I pretended not to hear him however inside I was just fuming. I was ready to throw my club at his Pinhead when Kevin, Samantha and Jackie all arrived.

We spoke briefly and the two girls sat down to "observe the men" and Kevin took a stall a couple down from me. Now was my opportunity to impress the beautiful Jackie. It was now or never.

As I was just about to hit the ball, I heard Jackass yell "Fore" and I lost my footing and my drive went about two feet and I almost fell over. I quickly recovered but not before yelling out a few dozen profanities, but that was nothing compared to the built up rage I had inside for the Jackass.

"You Stupid Loud-mouthed !@!@&^*@. Can't you just shut the Hell up or do I need to shove your driver up your !@!@&^*@ where your head obviously already is"?, I yelled out in anger at him.

The guy looked stunned and petrified and the girls were totally shocked at my outburst. Kevin came running over to get in between us but it was not really necessary as Jackass was apparently a coward and was high-tailing out of there without looking back.

"Run you scared little !@!@&^*@ ", I yelled after him trying to taunt him into returning.

Kevin began laughing at all this but both Samantha and Jackie both appeared completely horrified at the situation. As I was attempting to explain the entire story from the beginning and the reasons behind my outburst, I looked up and there was Jackass returning with the elderly Course Marshall beside him.

Before I could say anything, the Course Marshall came directly up to me and told me that Jackass had complained about me being unruly and yelling profanities on the range. He then began sniffing the air like an old bloodhound as he obviously saw the beer stain on my shirt.

"Have you been drinking this morning, Sir", he asked in a tone I really did not care for.

"You Do know your NOT a cop", I responded dryly.

"No, but I will be calling them shortly if you do not leave the course, Sir. I am here to keep the peace and you are being formally asked to leave", he responded sounding more like Police Chief Wiggum then any kind of authority figure.

I advised him that it was Jackass who was causing a disturbance and not me, however this senile old fool had clearly already made up his mind as to his course of action and he was quite obviously intoxicated on the little power he had. this was his crappy empire and he was king.

I limped over to my car and yelled back to Kevin that I would meet him and the girls down at the pub for lunch and I just wanted to go home to change my beer stained shirt first.

Forty-five minutes later I arrived at the pub in a crisp clean shirt and slid into the bench across from Kevin who was alone at the table.

"The girls in the washroom"?, I asked looking around the pub.

"Er, no", Kevin responded quietly. "Jackie insisted that we drive her home, she said she wanted nothing further to do with you"

I was totally shocked and taken off guard by this announcement and demanded to know what was the matter.

"Well, what would you think if you were in her place", Kevin advised. "The three of us arrive at the golf course and there you are staggering around with beer spilled all over you stinking of booze and then you hit a ball that goes around 5 feet and almost fall down and then start yelling obscenities at some stranger. It doesn't look good. She thinks you're a total drunk and it was only 11 AM in the morning. She was really mad"

I couldn't believe it. I was so looking forward to this day and to finally see Jackie and then everything blew up in my face.

I finally finished telling Kevin the whole story and he was just howling with laughter at all of my insane misfortunes.

"Don't worry", Kevin responded after he composed himself. "Samantha and me will set her straight, just give her a few days to calm down. We will all get together again perhaps at a less controversial place then a wild golf course. You get in too much trouble there", he laughed.

I was furious at the situation and at the world so I ordered us tons of drinks to try and forget this day. Lunch would be strictly of a liquid variety today.

BTW, I found out on Monday when I finally went to my doctor that my toe is actually broken and then later on that Jackie still wants nothing to do with me. Also, golf season is pretty much over for me for this year.

Nope, things are just not going that good these days.